I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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