none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
