if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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