I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
