1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
