I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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