Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
