He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
