this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
FUCK WHALES
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
