Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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