well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize