I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
