I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
