whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
