last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
