is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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