he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
