You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
