I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
