Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
