puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
