They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize