we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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