dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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