we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
