I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dear god my vagina.
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