what day is it and did you see me today?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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