So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize