Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
