i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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