i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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