I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
