I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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