wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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