Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
