I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
