Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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