Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
