if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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