dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
