I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
