i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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