I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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