If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
