You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
