My balls are so social today.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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