Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Randomize
