i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Then you guys just all showered together...?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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