lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
