i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
