WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
