This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
