to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
