if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My penis needs a shock collar
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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