im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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