She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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