It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
