Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
