my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
