i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
