Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
