Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
