Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize