im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
